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| I can't keep up this charade any longer.
I also can't
believe you idiots never figured it out. But nobody comes here anymore
so I figure I may as well throw in the gloves on the old fresh pickle
juice xanga. The maker and maintainer of this site is none other than
me, JASON BERVE.
Unexpected right? Yeah I know. It should have been obvious though, I'm
the only one to visit this xanga w/ my other xanga.
(www.xanga.com/ibanezberv) if you wanna visit it. Anyway I just thought
I'd put it out in the open. So if you have beef, come visit my other
xanga and leave me hateful comments there so THE RAGE CAN TAKE OVER and
I can kick your ass. Really hard cuz I'm way tough like that. And cuz I
am gonna be the UFC champ some day. Yeah thats right bitches. But
yeah, this site is done and so are you if you mess with me B3RvE.
Here are the results from the latest online quiz thingy I took. heh, I
know they are lame but I was bored so I figured why the fuck not.
It
came out pretty much like I expected it to. Heh, I thought it was kinda
funny. But yeah, this is the last post ever cuz there is really no need
for it anymore. For all of you fagets that couldn't figure it
out...your dumb. Laterz.
~B3RvE~
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| This post will be dedicated to the obnoxiousness that has become, TYRA BANKS.
Tyra
banks went from a professional model with Victoria's Secret to the most
idiotic talk show host I have ever witnessed. If Maury Povich and
Geraldo had an illegitimate love child that wanted to have her own
show, Tyra Banks would be that love child. Except she's black...so it
must have been Geraldo cheating on Maury with.....can you
guess...MONTEL! What a great idea for a talk show topic. NOT.
One day I was
unfortunate enough to be flipping through the channels during day time
television (yeah i know, day time television by definition is lamer
than an amputee) and I happened upon Tyra Bank's new talk show. When
are celebrities going to learn that just because you are somewhat of a
celebrity, that does NOT automatically mean you will have a successful
talk show.
I visited Tyra's talk shows website, and found their mission statement, it reads:
"The Tyra Banks Show is a one-hour, daily talk show focusing on the
dreams, hopes and challenges of today's young women. The goal is to
empower women to be the best they can be for themselves, their
famllies, and their communities."
That is the most idiotic thing I have ever read in my life. Its not so
much what they are trying to say in it, its just the fact that they
aren't exactly obiding by it at all. The show that I happened upon was
about fat women (my favorite subject, how could I not watch?) only on
this show, Tyra decided to go under cover and live a day in the life of
a heffer to see how people would treat her. Surprise Surprise Tyra,
nobody liked you. WHO KNEW?? And then, if her little experiment wasn't
cliche enough, she sat there and proceeded to talk to the fatties that
took up the stage space with her and tell them how much it sucked. She
sat there and talked about how terrible it was, and was crying because
of how people treated her. News flash Tyra, YOUR SHIT WAS JUST A SUIT,
YOU ARENT ALWAYS FAT LIKE THE WHALES ON STAGE WITH YOU. I even
noticed a few of the one ton cuties on stage consoling Tyra and I'm
just thinking, what in the fuck? Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for
harping on overweights, but when some lame talk show chick does it,
then its just flat ridiculous. She's skinny and she's telling how much
it sucked to be fat to all these chicks who will always be fat. On one
hand thats just fucking funny, but due to my contempt for Tyra, I just
can't give her that much credit.
Tyra went from this, a well known attractive Victoria's Secret model:
To this, an awkward, unintelligent, pointless talk show host with nothing to say.
TYRA, WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING, DON'T.
The
Sharon Osbourne show was another prime example of someone who thought
their fame (if you could call it that) would make their talk show
successful. That is totally not the case. One word for it: CANCELLED
And now, every douche bag thinks that they will claim great success with a talk show. Observe the following:
This
blubbering asshole disappeared after "Who's the Boss?" and nobody knew
where he went for a long time. And nobody cared. Then he comes out of
nowhere with a talk show. Again, what in the fuck? I saw the other day,
it might have been on The Soup or some other late nite show that is
actually awesome, and they were talking about how on one segment of the
Tony Danza show they were cooking and the chef said he was adding
garlic and some other ingredient to the dish and the audience
applauded. Nice use of the APPLAUSE sign shit head. I'll label this one
as soon to be cancelled.
Back to Tyra, she sucks. Another one of her shows I happened upon was
her having her breasts examined by a professional to deterimine once and for all that
they are real. WHO CARES? Why would anyone want to use their show as a
public speaking forum to make sure everyone knew that information.
WE-TAH-DED.
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| "Fat people need love too."
^ the above stated phrase should not exist. Ever.
Fat people do not need love. Fat people need a stairmaster and an
injection with a lethal dosage of richard simmons in it. Either
that or instant death. Where in the world has human decency gone? Who
in their right mind would even conjure up such a notion? Adding the
graphic imagery of two fat wastes of human beings rutting around in the
mud like pigs to a conversation is just plain wrong and should not be
tolerated. If you hear someone say something to that effect (i've heard
it used as an excuse for a drunk person to sleep with a chubby bitch
that they regularly wouldn't touch) in any case, whoever is saying the
phrase needs shot. In the face. Hard. I'd suggest a ritualistic
crucifixion of fat asses but who has the time to rent a crane right?
GODAMNIT!
[ If things were my way, this shit wouldn't happen. ]
The very last thing a fat person needs is love. Or "loving" for that
matter. Kids born into fat families should be made sterile at birth.
That way we could completely abolish the chance of that putrid little
shit growing up to produce more obese offspring. If by any chance a
child is born into a skinny family, and then later on in his or her
years becomes overweight, he or she should then be aborted. Thats
right, new concept. Instead of partial birth abortions, we should
instate partial life abortion. If your kid just isn't cutting it by age
15, off them. They are useless; don't let them embarass you a second
further.
Oh yeah back to the porkers. I hate you.
The other day I just happened to over hear some rotund hag talk about
how she was going on a blind date and was hoping that the guy didn't
turn out to be ugly. WTF? Is she blind?? Does she not have mirrors in
her house? Look at you lady, you're the size of a buick century, nobody
wants to look at you, let alone date you. And you're worried about what
your date is going to look like? Think of how your date is going to
feel. Because of your lard ass some poor guy is going to show up and be
instantly overcome by the fear of being devoured by you. Big women are
scary. Anything is a ham sandwhich to them. No more fatties for real.
Especially fatties that wear DOG SHIT CROCS. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
This entire world is just one big fucking disappointment. Over and over again. No matter what.
| | |
| I am tired of waiting in line for an eternity because some worthless
fat ass has to use food stamps to buy groceries. Of course, when
referring to broke ass people I use the term "buy" very loosely,
because after all, its more like a handout when they use their food stamps.
(notice the slight alteration, Paint is my hero.)
The few times I've actually been stuck inline behind these wastes; it
seems every time the users were overweight. We're not just talking
about your
average every-day monstrous hanging belly, we're bordering on obese
here. It makes me wonder, how does one become so bloated when they have
to rely on the government to cover the cost of only the most basic
food necessities. I'll tell you why. THEY DON'T ACTUALLY NEED THE
PROGRAM, THEY ARE JUST FAT AND LAZY.
One of the families I was stuck behind made a seperate purchase using
their own money after using the WIC slip thing. (at this point you're
thinking: "Juice, this has to be a lie, they actually used their OWN
money?" Yes, as suprising as it is, they used their own earned (another
loose term) income. I figured stating they paid on their own
would ruin this stories credibility, but trust me, it happened.)
Anyways,
can anyone guess what extra commodity they had to purchase after using
government hand outs to get milk, cheese, and juice...i'll give you
time.....got it? Thats right...BUDWEISER. I couldn't believe what I was
seeing. The government gives them money, other people's tax money, and
they use it, and put their actual income towards beer. You'd think
someone would realize their post-wic purchase is
probably more than 3/4 of the reason their family is suffering in
poverty to begin
with. Idiots.
The next time I see one of these fat slobs driving a jazzy or rascal
scooter I'm going to go punt them in their head. Or throw up on them.
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